Foreword: Rabbi Rachel Adler, PhD
Acknowledgments
Introduction
I. He is gone for many hours
In the corner
My brother and I each separately
Safe has disappeared
He is gone for many hours
Seder story
I keep his secrets
Roger is the middle child
I was the youngest, the only girl
II. Was he there, lying in wait?
Sol by the pickle barrel
Mickey in the hallway
Sixth-grade boys
Prospects
The story of how I started smoking
What makes you feel safe?
III. Ein Gedi
Shabbos together
Stretching infinitely
Red enamel chairs
Our demons
At the bottom of a colorless world
When you come to it, you will not care
Coming of age
IV. Lillian
The straw, day one
The watch, day two
The waiting room, day two
What he knew, day two
The dance card
The day the marriage ended
The very end of day two
Day three becomes day four
V. Temporarily, unexpectedly
When they’re gone, do people know that they’re remembered?
His many foreign lands
Aunt Julie’s final conversation
What courage looks like
You offer me full-throated laughter
The pain of your loss
VI. Not even on the way anywhere
The story of how we came to Western Mass
January 9, 2017
Icy listserv mornings
Working from home
What’s your emergency?
VII. Then laughed and laughed, ageless
Solstice
Jane is explaining
A bell rings
Under a stone
Respite after darkness
Returning
Stay with me a little longer please
The world we have longed for since the very beginning
Glossary
Index of Titles
About the Author